Talking to your children is so important. So many students come to my office, and I'll ask, "Have you talked to your parents about this?" And the answer most of the time is, "No." I always tell my students you need someone you can trust to talk to at home and at school. I am happy to be that person at school, but I still want to encourage them to open up to their parents or a trusted adult in the home setting.
I recently heard a quote, "blame and shame are evil twins." I suspect a lot of teens are struggling with self blame and shame which leads to isolation. As I mentioned in the previous post, we are seeing more students in crisis in the school counseling office. There is more suicide ideation and self harm than ever before. There is a conversation you need to have with your children today. I would recommend having this conversation at a neutral time, definitely not when they're in trouble, or in an argument, etc.
In my opinion, the conversation should go something like this. Tell them you love them unconditionally, and there is nothing they can do to stop that love. Yes, sometimes you may not be happy about a choice they've made, but that never stops your love for them. There is no problem too big that together we can't face. The only problem we can't fix is if you are not here. And tell them if they ever need to talk to someone, such as a counselor, you will be here to help them with this. We all make mistakes, this is how we learn.
Being open with your child doesn't make you vulnerable, it makes you real. Everyone is searching for more realness in this world today.
Because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.....The Velveteen Rabbit
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