Using Solution Focused Brief Counseling Miracle Question in Elementary Self Esteem Activity

Many school counselors use Solution Focused Brief Counseling in the school setting.  As I was brainstorming activities to use with an elementary student to build self esteem, I thought of this activity.  The Miracle Question is great with high school students, but I thought how can we break this down for an elementary student?

 This is a fun activity and students can really "envision" a better version of themselves.  We started out the conversation by brainstorming super heroes and their super powers.  I learned a thing or two, LOL!  I steered the conversation away from villains!  I said, "Villains are fun to watch in the movies, but I don't want to be one!"  Once they have some ideas about super heroes, read the activity directions with them.  Many students will need prompting and guidance to turn their positive attributes into super powers, but once they get going, the sky is the limit!

You can find the printable ready to use activity Here.

Building Self Awareness and Healthy Coping Skills in Middle School and High School Students

No matter what topic you are working on with a middle or high school student, they can always benefit from a discussion on healthy coping skills.  As counselors, we wish we could eliminate the stress from our students' lives, but we cannot.  We can, however, equip them with knowledge of healthy coping skills.

I created this self assessment of healthy coping skills to complete in a first session with a student.  (I couldn't find any self assessments that I liked.)  It is a good ice breaker and gives you some important baseline information.  I feel it is most appropriate with middle and high school students.  Most often, students are very honest and rate their use of coping skills very well.  I would also use this as an exit activity or when moving students to a "monitor" status.  

You can find this self assessment here:

Self Assessment for Healthy Coping Skills

Addressing Anger with Elementary Students

 

Here is a great story by Julia Cook for teaching students real strategies to deal with anger.  I have used this story with elementary students for years, and it's definitely a must have for counselors and parents!

You can order this book here.  Julia Cook is an author that has a special talent for capturing kids' attention and breaking important topics down in kid friendly terms.  She was a school counselor for years, so that is probably why she is so good at this!

Again, this is one to add to your library.  It is fun to read with students and then model the strategies.

The Conversation Parents Need to Have with Their Children Today

Talking to your children is so important.  So many students come to my office, and I'll ask, "Have you talked to your parents about this?"  And the answer most of the time is, "No."  I always tell my students you need someone you can trust to talk to at home and at school.  I am happy to be that person at school, but I still want to encourage them to open up to their parents or a trusted adult in the home setting.

I recently heard a quote, "blame and shame are evil twins."  I suspect a lot of teens are struggling with self blame and shame which leads to isolation.  As I mentioned in the previous post, we are seeing more students in crisis in the school counseling office.  There is more suicide ideation and self harm than ever before.  There is a conversation you need to have with your children today.  I would recommend having this conversation at a neutral time, definitely not when they're in trouble, or in an argument, etc.

In my opinion, the conversation should go something like this.  Tell them you love them unconditionally, and there is nothing they can do to stop that love.  Yes, sometimes you may not be happy about a choice they've made, but that never stops your love for them.  There is no problem too big that together we can't face.  The only problem we can't fix is if you are not here.  And tell them if they ever need to talk to someone, such as a counselor, you will be here to help them with this.  We all make mistakes, this is how we learn.

Being open with your child doesn't make you vulnerable, it makes you real.  Everyone is searching for more realness in this world today.  

               Because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.....The Velveteen Rabbit

Encouraging Healthy Coping Skills

I was talking to a counseling friend/colleague a few years back about the increase of student mental health issues over the past five years.  In asking her what she thought was going on, she must've been thinking about it too, because she instantly replied, "lack of coping skills."  The light bulb went on, and I thought that's exactly it.  And I would add the lack of healthy coping skills.  A lot of preteens and teens are turning to vaping because they think it helps them with their anxiety and stress level, when in fact it is making their anxiety much worse.  So I would say a lot of our teens have either zero coping skills or unhealthy coping skills.  The development and practice of healthy coping skills leads to resilience.  Does your child have a hobby?  Are you modeling a hobby or positive coping skills for your child?  

The teen brain gets stuck in negative self talk and "all or none" thinking.  We have to model and encourage positive self talk for our children and students.  Yes, this time in their life is tough, but this feeling and this time won't last forever.  Having some healthy coping skills will help them navigate the stressors of life.  Here are a few suggestions:

• An art journal or photo journal (A lot of students shy away from writing in a traditional journal or diary, so make it a bit more appealing.)
• Listening to their favorite music
• Time for a hobby or family project
• Traditions, such as Taco Tuesday (going for ice cream as a family on a certain day)  No, they are not too cool for this, even if they grumble.  Everybody's gotta eat!
• Grounding exercises, using the five senses (what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste)
• Time in nature or with a pet

I have started this activity with elementary students who are experiencing stress.  I found it several years ago at Marisa's stress buster pizza activity printable  It is simply a stress buster pizza.  It can be completed with a group of students or individually.  Then students make and color and decorate their slice of pizza with their "toppings."  Students are reminded to use their own menu of healthy coping skills when experiencing a problem or stress.  What are some of your healthy coping skills?

Strategies to Deal with Anger

"I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief..."

It has been said by someone a lot smarter than me, that anger is a secondary emotion.  I can honestly say that sometimes I will think I am going to talk to a student about anger, and it becomes a discussion about grief or loss.  The quote above describes this perfectly.  The last five years, I have noticed that more of our students are dealing with a trauma or loss.  Maybe it's not just a death, it could be loss through the breakup of their family through a divorce.  As I told my principal last year, each student walking our hallways is dealing with a loss or trauma.  

I have found some activities that work well with addressing anger in elementary students.  This resource came from Marisa at elementaryschoolcounseling.org and the home teacher.

One day I couldn't find the links to print, so I recreated this and adapted their activities to the following that I could use with elementary students.  I will often print and put in a page protector for students to remember their calm down strategies.  

Angry Birds Visual with Calm Down Strategies printable

Dealing with Worry/Anxiety in Elementary Children

Kids just have more things to worry about these days.  If you watch the nightly news for a few minutes, you'll see why!  This is a book by Julia Cook that I have used for a few years.  I've had parents borrow this book to read with their child, and the parents and kids just love it!   I have read this book with students and then we've discussed it.  Wilma Jean worries about everything.  Wilma Jean is always questioning "What if?"  A wise teacher teaches her the difference between things we can control and things we can't.  This is a powerful visual for students.  If you are having a conversation with your child about their worries, first validate what they are feeling.  "I understand why this could make you worry.  I understand why you are worried, let's talk about this."  You don't have to buy this book.  Many of these books are read alouds on youtube, so you can always listen to the book with your child online.  There are lots of great books out there to approach these topics with your children or students.  I am just featuring the ones I use quite a bit and have worked the best with my students.  

Counselor Keri also has some great resources on dealing with worry.  She has freebies on her website and lessons and units you can purchase.   You can find some resources on worry here:  Counselor Keri